Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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