He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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