I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
