Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
