I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
