Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
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she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
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Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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