he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
