Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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