Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
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Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
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Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize