ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
