I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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