walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
