my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize