who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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