Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
