He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
