in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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