so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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