Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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