I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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