Need sex. Gaining weight.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
