my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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