I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
