broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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