I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
