No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
