I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
