The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
do nipples grow back?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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