And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
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Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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