i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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