I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
