Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
