They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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