I'm going to jail i love you
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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