my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
