I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
