Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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