the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
