He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
