For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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