yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
