Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
