Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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