I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
