u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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