I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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