If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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