do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
