I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
