What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
