well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i just google imaged poop.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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