and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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