I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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