i was born a porn star she said
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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