break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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