Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
