I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
