im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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