Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
