you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
