he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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