hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
