I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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