hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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