Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
