Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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