They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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