Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
