i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
