he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
