Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
