God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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