I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
