thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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