he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
